So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
