I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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