hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
