Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
