if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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