walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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