This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
