we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
