not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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