Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
