GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
