Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
