I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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