how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
