do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
