If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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