As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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