Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
