I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
