im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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