its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
