I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
