she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
