Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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