Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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