I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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