And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
