just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
