I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
