Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Already got asked if we're dating
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
