I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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