Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
