i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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