I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
