the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
