don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
