guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
