First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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