he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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