Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
