My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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