I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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