Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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