have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
