I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
