He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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