Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
