i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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