Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
