Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize