the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
