I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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