I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
