You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize