Little spoons don't ask big questions
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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