i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
