remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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