Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
