If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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