What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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