i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
