he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize