He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
