I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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