I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
