So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
