why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He felt like a one man threesome
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
