he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
