If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
