I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
