So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
