wanna go halves on a baby?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
