Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
